Impatience

I just wanted to share this article regarding impatience from The Flylady's newsletter...we all need reminding of a few things from time to time...

Impatience...

We all want what we want and we want it RIGHT NOW! This is a
characteristic of a SHE but it is also a trait of a control freak. The
impatience is because of our perfectionism which causes us to lash out
without even thinking. That is the key; we don't stop and think before
we open our mouths and stick our feet in. WE are always in such a
hurry! And Hurrying never got us any place faster. It just stressed us
out and caused us to have an accident or do things we regret later.

We have to get our rest, slow down and think about what we are doing
before we do it! Our routines help us with our impatience. The
routines guide us in doing what we really need to do first and they
free us up to be patient with those around us.

The really sad part is that we feel that we are justified in being
impatient. This does not give us a license to be rude, hateful, use an
ugly tone of voice to get our message across or to use God's name in
vain.

Now listen to me closely. I am just as impatient as many of you are.
It just takes a little longer for me these days to blow a gasket. I
have had to practice hard to realize when I am getting frustrated with
the way things are proceeding. Then I begin to think about why I am
upset. When I do this all of a sudden, I can see what is wrong.
Sometimes it is because I forgot to eat or drink my water. Other times
I am feeling alone and then there are those times when I am just plain
too tired to even think. This is when I need to shut my mouth and go
to bed and rest. It is only when I have taken myself out of the
equation that I can see that my impatience, frustration or anger may
be justified. This is when I can see clearly and make good decisions
as to my next step. I am learning that I can accomplish much more if I
use this method instead of the "Blow a Gasket" method; which really
did nothing but inflict collateral damage on everyone around me
including myself.

When ever we pitch a fit like this we may think we are getting our way
but in the long run what goes around comes around. We reap what we sow
and if we sow discontent and impatience, we will reap more anger and
rebellion along with passive aggressive behavior just to get back at
us for our fit. I want you to think about a two year old and a temper
tantrum. How do we nip this behavior in the bud? The child has to know
he or she is being heard but as long as they are pitching the fit; no
one is hearing anything. Once you get their attention by giving them
permission to be upset and allow them to vent; all the while you are
ignoring them till the fit is over. We have been practicing this with
an almost three year old great niece. She already knows how to get her
way. Kelly introduced her to the crying chair. She can cry as long as
she wants to only if she sits in a specific chair and when she is
through with being upset; she is allowed to get up and come tell us
exactly what she wants in a nice and kind way. NOT DEMANDING!

The result from this simple little action has been amazing. Her mother
has been in shock that it really does work. It is teaching her to vent
privately and gain control of your emotions and think about how she is
going to get her point across. Believe me this has been a learning
experience for me too. Seeing this in action has made a big impact on
me. When we pitch a fit in our family or in public it doesn't matter
how many times we try to apologize for our actions; they don't believe
us. It is our actions that speak louder than our mere words of regret
for our tantrum. If we don't stop this behavior we are going to lose
our families and ourselves.

Rita Davenport taught me that when we do something or say something
negative like this that it takes doing or saying seven nice things to
erase the bad that we have done. We have a lot of erasing to do. All
we can do is jump in where we are and stop this impatient behavior
right now. Your new ways taking care of yourself are going to help you
get rid of your impatience. Old dogs can learn new tricks. We just
have to realize that what we have been doing is not working for the
good. We can only change our behavior and when we do; the way people
react to us will be much different from what we are used to. You have
to set the example in love.

It helped me to recognize when I was getting impatient and frustrated.
Some of my signs is that my voice gets louder, my faces starts burning
and my ears get red. My chest breaks out in a rash and I feel a flash
of anger and my jaw starts to clinch. I catch myself biting my lip and
sitting on my hands. These are my signs. Do you know what yours are? I
want you to think about this and notice the next time you start to get
impatient with things around you. Take a break and figure out for
yourself what is happening. Don't lash out! Go to your own crying
chair privately and figure this out for yourself.

I want you to FLY but getting impatient is not going to make it happen
faster!

FlyLady