Cue Debbie Downer music... well, ok, maybe it's not that bad....

What hasn’t happened since I journaled last, that’s the real question… sheesh… I seriously don’t know where to start and actually I’ve been on such an emotional roller coaster lately that I just haven’t felt like blogging about any of it… but I shouldn’t keep it all inside and it is very cathartic to get it all out there…

I guess I should start with a big PRAISE GOD! Jimmie’s colonoscopy test went smoothly and there were absolutely no polyps and the doc said he shouldn’t have to have another one of those til he’s 50. So halleluiah nothing serious there – just the uncomfortable internal hemmroids but even those aren’t that bad, says the doc… as my aunt said, the doctor just confirmed that Jimmie is a pain in the butt… lol… my dad now calls Jimmie his hemmroid… now see, this is why Jimmie didn’t want me to say anything to anyone before his procedure but I was selfish and needed the prayer support man!

Anyway, he’s doing a lot better… but there were a couple of stressful weeks before that test…

Then we asked for and got approval to take the girls on vacation with us to Gatlinburg the week after Labor Day weekend so yay! Then their worker called a few days after that and said that there may be a possibility that we can’t take them after all because they may be going to live with their grandmother by the last week of August.

See we have mixed feelings about that… of course we’ll be sad to see them go but we’ll be happy they are back with family. On the other hand, if they don’t go, then we know they will probably be with us a lot longer if not permanently and that kind of freaks us out too but also makes us really happy… so there’s that heart break to prepare for at the end of the month. I know and I totally have a peace that God is in control of this situation and is guiding our path through this whole experience… but it’s kind of seriously like riding a roller coaster for the very first time and you know that you’re going to have fun with whatever is around the bend or over the hill, you’re just not sure what to expect….

Then mom called with the news about our cousins – two of them shot and one was dead… it was just weird… in a surreal kind of way. My mind immediately went back to when we were all little and family reunion was still at the old home place. I can remember running around and playing with those boys sometimes like it was yesterday. Of course we all definitely went our separate ways soon after… but it was those young innocent days that I thought of when mom told me that Jimmy was dead. When I was too little to know better, I actually had a crush on him. He was a cute kid… they played a video of pictures at his funeral from those young days. The one constant that all three of those boys had all their lives was the love of their mother. And for her, my heart breaks.

In between the time I found out about that and before his funeral, a group from church went to Women of Faith in Indianapolis… and it was a fantastic fantabulous time in the Lord… I soooo needed that refresher…. I just had a wonderful time and it was neat getting to know some of the other ladies from church too…. Nicole C. Mullen was the musical guest and she ROCKS! She had everyone up dancing many times. And then she dedicated a song called “Yo Mamma” to all the women who were pouring their lives into raising a child that they did not give birth to… umm tissues please! She is currently raising 4 kids, only one of whom she gave birth to and she talked a little bit about that… Anita Renfro was not in the program but she made a surprise appearance on Friday night… that woman is too funny… All the speakers were excellent as always. Steven Arterburn from my favorite radio program New Life Live was the speaker Friday night… excellent.. it’s funny, when you listen to someone on the radio all the time and then see them for the first time… he doesn’t look anything like what I pictured…lol…

Then when I got home from that, dad called to say when the funeral was for Jimmy. They had waited until Tommy got out of the hospital before making the arrangements… so we went up for that and a stranger funeral I’ve never been too… Jimmie and I were talking afterward and I told him I think this is the first funeral I’ve ever went to where someone was murdered. He had to think about it a little bit and he said it was a first for him too. And then there was just soooo much drinking going on in the parking lot… I’d say over half the cars in the funeral procession was driven by someone who was drinking… that was a little precarious… It was just a strange really sad funeral. I’m with Mandy though… the minister did a really great job of bringing the gospel message to the grieving crowd. The funeral was standing room only…

Sadder news was still to come though… At the cemetery my dad got a call from his brother. He was calling to tell the test results of my Aunt Barbara… not good… the doctor had said there was cancer somewhere but he wouldn’t know where until he actually got to look around for it. Well they had to remove her gall bladder and while he was in there the doc looked around at other organs. The cancer started in her pancreas and had already spread to her liver, lungs and other organs… non-operable… non-curable… a few months to live… now they are saying maybe less…

When dad told me my first emotion was just anger. At God. Aunt Barbara is a good woman. She has spent a good bit of her life looking after and being a servant to others. She and Uncle Claude were foster parents to many many children of all sorts of ages and with all sorts of problems for many many years. She’d give ya the shirt off her back if you needed it. Her son almost died last year. She has another son who left home several years ago and never calls home. She has diabetes and has been battling that disease for a few years now. It just seems that adverse things just keep happening to that same family over and over. How much can one family take?

I told Jimmie later that I was mad at God for allowing this to happen and Jimmie told me, well He’s just calling one of his angels home… her time on this earth is drawing to a close and God is pulling her to Him. Jimmie also pointed out that dying of cancer is a heck of a lot better than dying of diabetes – losing one limb, one appendage, dying bit by bit. I had to concur with him on both points… I hate it when Jimmie is right but he did make me see it a different light and I’m not so mad at God anymore…although I’m hoping beyond hope that just as her son Michael proved the doctors wrong, so will she.

Well… if this hasn’t been a Debbie Downer journal entry… now ya know why I haven’t journaled in a long time huh…lol

Actually, this past Friday night me and Jimmie and Mayce were sitting around outside by the fire and Jimmie’s cell phone rang. It was Shawn, we call him Bag Boy because he used to be a grocery bag boy at Bob and Carls in our hometown, and he ended up coming down for a visit on Saturday. We had a really good visit and by the end of the day, after the girls were in bed, me and Jimmie and Shawn were sitting around the fire and it just filled me with a little bit of pride in Jimmie and just how nice he has things outside our house, that we could just show off our little piece of paradise so well… I mean it was just so ultra peaceful sitting around the fire talking about old times. Anyway, Jimmie got up to get a drink and go potty and Shawn was talking about another couple that he and Jimmie grew up with. They’ve been married fifteen years and then Jimmie and I have been married 11 years. Shawn unfortunately has not had the same luck. He’s divorced and sharing custody of their three kids. He told me, you know, that’s all I ever wanted was to find someone to be married to for years. I didn’t want my kids to have divorced parents. It made me really sad for him but it also made me look at my marriage with a more thankful heart. We are starting to get in to numbers that are rarer and rarer in this day and age. That conversation really made me appreciate my husband and our marriage that much more…

Well I feel like I’m rambling and I feel like this has sort of been a downer entry but at least ya know where I’ve been lately… I haven’t really been lurking much either… oh I did discover Facebook.com though… my friend Wendy from college sent me a link and it’s pretty neat cuz you can find all kinds of people that you used to know….

I better get some work done… toodles!

Oh… just a note about why I haven’t posted pictures of the girls… I have mixed feelings about that. Part of me says it’s no big deal but the other part of me says, they are not my girls and so I don’t really have that right. Plus, it’s a whole protect the privacy of their situation issue for me… so right wrong or indifferent that’s why I haven’t posted pictures of them neither here nor on Facebook.

K toodles!