Some Bragging...

Ok so I took time to gripe about Austin so now I'll brag... so I know I journaled about the whole progress report card I recieved in the mail with 2 F's - one in Humanities and one in English. Well Thursday, we had a meeting with his Impact Team (which is basically his teachers plus other social services type staff people - I think there were at least 10 amazing people sitting around a table with Austin asking him how we can help him and telling him we know it's not easy but here's how we'd like to help you be the best version of you that you can be... yeah.. it's an AMAZING program that the school has... I'm so impressed and one day Austin will be in awe at how many people cared what happens to him and were cheering him on all the way (not to mention all the unsung prayer warriors lifting him up in prayers!)... not now though... we are like nosey adults who won't quit lol... anyways... they brought out a print-out of his grades as of that day and the F in Humanities is now a B- , a B-!! He stayed up til 2am Tuesday evening to get several things done for that class so now he's caught up and he brought up that grade... now to focus on English... the really good thing about the English teacher is that she's one of those that stays after school and has several kids stay late to work on stuff so he's going to start doing that when he doesn't have football practice.

I was proud of another thing I heard yesterday too but I have to tell a long story for it to make sense...

A few weeks ago Austin sort of had a meltdown at school.. I'm not sure that I have journaled about this. It was like maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago so I probably didn't. But anyway, he was late for a class and when the teacher told him that he got a tardy for it (apparently he wasn't very far from the classroom door when the tardy bell rang so he thought he shouldn't be counted as tardy) he slammed his books down on his desk and one fell (the other side of the story says that he threw a book) so he was told to go to the vice principal's office. When he got there he refused to go in to ALC (or some arrangment of those initials - I never get it right - it's some sort of in school detention hall) so I had to go get him because he was being mouthy and biligerant and he was suspended from school for one day. umm LIVID!

When I picked him up, I was shaking I was so mad... oh man... he was sooo in for it... well Jimmie and I had been on the phone back and forth talking about what we should do and we were just gearing up for this huge pow wow when he got home however, in his infinite wisdom, Jimmie called our social worker (who has teens of her own) and her advice to us went against every fiber of our being. She said if he's melting down at school but not acting up at home, she said to leave the school stuff at school and to not punish him if he's also being punished at school... what??!! She based her "theory" on the fact that if school is becoming this crazy scarey place, we should try to keep home a place that is safe so that Austin did not end up shutting down completely and completely shutting everyone out. And Jimmie - crazy man that he is- said let's give that a try... again... what??!! I'd already started the chewing out process so I had to shut my mouth and sulk somewhere else... but we did it... I mean we didn't act like it didn't happen... it wasn't like that... but we didn't chew him out, we didn't ground him, we talked to him rationally and let him tell his side of the story.. her advice turned out to be magical and exactly what was needed so that we didn't also become the enemy but rather a safe place where he could tell his side and still feel loved no matter what. I can't describe other than to say it was pure magic and he ended up opening up more than ever before...

I actually did get a few digs in before Jimmie got home with this foreign crazy person advice... on the drive home Austin said something to me that just hit me so square in the face it still brings tears to my eyes now. He said in a sarcastic little voice "I'm sorry I can't be that perfect kid you guys want me to be." Now that might not seem like a hugely insulting statement and he may not have meant it the way I took it but I'm telling you sister chicks... I was just so offended... he could have cussed me out and I wouldn't have been more offended. I told him to shut his mouth and not talk.

When we got home I made him sit down at the table and I put some questions on a piece of paper for him to answer... I wanted his side of the story and I wanted to know why we should care if he didn't care (because when he's in trouble or feeling attacked "I don't care" is the first words out of his mouth) and then I went to the living room and just bawled - out of anger, out of hurt, out of frustration... and then I wrote him a letter. and I explained to him why we became foster parents, how we aren't really looking for that shiny "perfect" baby that some people seek, how our hearts have just become full of this longing to help the unperfect, unwanted, unloved little creatures that we heard about in our foster/adopt classes. How I think he does care. and I explained to him that I refused - I refuse - to give up on him... how Jimmie and I don't even expect he'll do the right thing or make the right choices every time... and just that I love him and no one is perfect... whatever perfect is anyway... I rambled on for 3 pages... he gave me a paragraph of "give up on me" "you shouldn't care about me" etc. which broke my heart.

After he was done with his little assignment, he fell asleep on the floor... goofy kid... when Jimmie got home (after calling me to inform me of the weird advice our social worker gave us - I was NOT on board ladies lol) but when Jimmie got home, we had our talk and let him know that we weren't giving up on him and we loved him and we were on his team etc... it was really like a burden had been lifted from him... he was just lighter somehow... and ever since then it's been like wow... I think he had a real break through of some sort at that point.. like we passed some sort of test for him or something... I don't know...

well.. I told you all that story to brag again because the teacher and vice principal involved in that story said yesterday at that meeting that when Austin came back to school after being suspended, he came to each of them and sincerely apologized for his actions and both were very impressed...

well I've babbled on and on but I will say one more thing and it's sort of to toot my own horn.. I mean, OBVIOSULY I'm not "perfect" either lol... but I'm constantly shocked and amazed at how much I enjoy being a mother to a teenager and how good I seem to be at it! And Jimmie is pretty amazing at it too... one of the many social workers involved in our lives right now, pointed out how well our different personalities mesh in dealing with Austin... he said our parenting styles totally compliment the other to sort of cover whatever Austin needs at the moment... I thought that was cool! The Lord just continues to guide us through this experience and it's just an honor and a blessing to be a part of this big adventure called motherhood! Cheers to you wonderful mothers! It's a thankless never ending job and it's definately not for the faint of heart... but it's worth every battle scar (wrinkles and gray hair) and spit up stain ain't it ladies!!