My Testimony

one thing I have thought about this week is my testimony...I actually have a partial rough draft typed out...lol...I'm a nerd...but ya know, that's more of a synopsis of my life story...my testimony can really be condensed to this...and I've thought about it and I've started to say before that it's really kinda boring because don't get me wrong I've had my moments but I don't really have this "dramatic" testimony...but ya know what? that's really false because what can be more dramatic than being saved...accepting in my heart the King of Kings...the creator of the universe reaching out to lil ole me?

I was saved...I said the "sinners prayer" when I was 11...it was June 24, 1982...it was a Thursday in the afternoon after VBS, which my parents were the coordinators of...my preacher had been "hounding" me for a few weeks to pray "the prayer" and I kept avoiding him...if ya'll remember the monkey puppet story - this was around the same time...I was questioning (as much as an 11-year-old can) the whole church thing and I knew everyone would be happy and proud if I said "the prayer" but I was conflicted...so finally I relented and said "the prayer" and I was baptized two weeks later in the mayor's pool...

now I wish I could say that there was this dramatic transformation...but let's face it, I was 11 and had gone to church all my life...so things weren't so much different...I knew Jesus lived in my heart and bascially, through high school, I was only surrounded by church kids and church people...I went to a Christian high school and it was the in and cool thing to be a Jesus girl...so I was...there was one "bad" boy in my school and I really found myself attracted to the whole bad boy thing...and we actually dated for a little bit...but he lost interest in me because I was such a good girl...lol...

I went to a Christian college...and for the most part there too, it was the cool thing to be a Jesus girl, but at this point in my life, with the new freedom of being away from home, I began to have to come to terms with where Jesus fit in my life...and so I started sleeping in some Sundays and church hopping when I'd go...for the most part I went to church...and we really had some awesome tent revivals too...but I began noticing this pattern where I'd be madly embracing the spiritual walk and then cold times where I wouldn't want anything to do with church...

I also discovered boys in college...and I fell in love for the first time...got my heart broken...had a really dark period... and then discovered other boys...lol...I am just going to leave it at that...everyone has things that they regret...and although I learned a lot about myself in this time...there are things that I'm mortified that I allowed myself to be in certain situations...not to mention the fact that I was more interested in being a funtime Charlie than actually doing my school work...at one point I became the worst RA ever...lol...I'd see my hall girls at rock concerts (which were a no no at the Christian college) and weekend camping trips (with boys)...

so then when my grades weren't good enough to start getting into the classes of my major...I transferred to Wright State...and you'd think, living back at home, I would have been back in to very good girl mode...but that was actually when I started secretly dating the biggest loser...I met him at family reunion (he wasn't related, everyone brings friends and this guy had the prettiest blue eyes you'd ever seen - it's just a shame that they were constatnly blood shot from alcohol) so anyway...we only dated for about a month...that was long enough for me to recognize that this really wasn't the path I wanted to go down...and also he really wanted to marry me and I knew I didn't want that from him...he was something I needed to get out of my system I think...

anyway, I lost interest in driving the 45 minutes to Wright State so I stopped going to classes and unltimately quit going there altogether...I started working at a daycare and it was around that point that we also got a preacher at my home church and he and his wife were my age...so we hung out a lot and I really go back into church and back on track with the Lord....for a little bit...

I met my husband when I was not so much into church and God...I still loved God deep down...but I was more interested in doing my own thing...even though there was this constant tuggin from the Holy Spirit to come back...so I was doing my own thing...my husband was a nice guy, he'd been raised in church a long time ago, so he also knew the basics, but he had gone through a very wild time in his teens and early adult years...so we were sort of coming from opposite ends of the spectrum...we often say that if we'd met at any time earlier in our life, we would have totally not liked each other at all...God's timing is soo cool...so anyway, we fell pretty madly in love within about a month of dating each other...about three months in to the relationship, he basically moved in to my apartment (not something I'm proud of and would please to not have it go beyond the journal site! because we've worked very hard to always keep that fact from my parents) I'm such a parent pleaser...I think I still live my life a little bit hoping my parents will approve and hiding things from them that I know they wouldn't approve of...

anyway...so he "moved in" lol...I always just said he was staying over because I didn't believe in the whole living together thing...I was raised in a very strict home and you just didn't do that...but we knew pretty much very early on in our relationship that this was what we'd both been searching for all our lives...our first date, I was so nervous until he got there and then when he came in and we sat on my sofa talking for a bit...it was like I was talking to someone I'd known all my life...we were head over heels after like three dates...he told me he thought he was falling in love with me on our third date...it was just whilrwind...and anyway, I digress...

I know now that I was living away from God during this time, and by the grace of God, He was watching out for me even though I wasn't looking to Him...husband and I started going back to church before we got married and we settled into a church routine...and sometimes it was touching but mostly, we went to church because we knew we were supposed to...the little church I grew up in had issues...issues that I started going into on my rough draft but I won't get into because it's a whole long story...but anyway...they ran off the preacher that husband and I liked (he married us) and so we left the church of my childhood...disgruntled and dissolussioned...

husband started traveling a ton at his new job...and this began a very lonely strange time in my life...we got internet access...mom and dad lived in Michigan at that time and they had gotten internet and email and to keep in touch better, we decided to get internet...well I got AOL...and found these chat rooms...and with my addictive personality, I got so wrapped up in the lives of these people typing into this little box...I became a "regular" in a chat room..and we'd shoot the breeze about random stuff...looking back it was a very bizarre time of my life and it amazes me how attached I became to these "imaginary" people...but again...the Lord protected me from most of the things that could have come out of that weird time...I'm happy to say today that I'm totally chat room free lol...and have been for years...now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-chat rooms....cause there are probably some very beneficial ones out there...but what I got wrapped up in was just a very unhealthy thing because it began to effect my real life relationships...it was just weird...and I feel bizarre even typing about it...but it's really an issue that God and I have dealt with so it's part of my testimony...it took me down a path away from God and if I'd stayed on it...it just would not have been good at all...

so husband and I eventually decided to move here to KY because that's where most of his work was. We lived with my parents, who had also moved down here, for a little bit and that was an intersting experience...I don't recommend it...lol...my mother and I are wayyyy too much alike...husbadn always says he has a preview of what I'll be like in twenty and forty years becuase he says that mom and grandma and I are exactly alike....

anyway...we went to church sporadically...it was hard to find a church that totally suited us...and husband was traveling so much that we didn't go steadily at all...I'd use that as an excuse not to go over and over....we did find a huge church in LA that we both liked the preacher so we started going there and one Sunday they had a guest speaker and he hit home and at the end of his sermon he asked people to accept Jesus in their heart or re-dedicate their hearts to God and he asked that if you prayed that prayer to please stand up...husband and I both stood up and at that point I really felt this turning back to God...

husband was baptized by sprinkling when we joined our little country church a few years ago...and then a few weeks later he was "dunked"...lol...that has been one of my favorite moments of our marriage...

Today, I'm back on the Christian path once again...following Christ is hard at times...so rewarding though...I find myself stuggling, like Paul, with my weaknesses...the biggest lesson I've been learning lately...and it's a lesson I realize that I've had to learn over and over again...when I'm in sin...blatant sin...I feel like I'm unworthy even to pray...and that's when I need to pray the most...but it's like...when I'm sinning...I feel like I can't even talk to God...and it's this whole vicious cycle...but it's a trick and I just need to bring it to Jesus...because ya know what? there'll never be a time, until I get to heaven, that I won't be without sin...so duh! lol...

well so there's my testimony...it's not complete...cuz I know that I'll veer off that path again...but Jesus will be there....He will always be there...I've recently heard a quote from C.S. Lewis and it is my constant goal...it went something like this...even if there were no heaven...following Christ would still be worth it...

keeping our eyes on the prize is important...but even if this is all there is (which we've been promised it isn't) but even if serving Christ on earth was all there was to it...would you do it? I would...because I have found that when I'm looking toward the Lord, there is no greater peace and happiness anywhere on earth...He is...and always will be...

Amen...