Goodbye should be a four letter word.....

I guess I hadn’t journaled since the big goodbye… truthfully I just didn’t have the heart to talk or write about it for a little while. It was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. Yet oddly, it hasn’t deterred me or Jimmie from wanting to do it again.

It was fitting that during the time when we were contemplating saying goodbye to the girls that we were also remembering and honoring the life of my aunt Barbara, who was very inspirational for us getting into foster parenting in the first place. That was a hard goodbye to say as well… she was a very special lady and I sure could have used her shoulder to cry on the week that the girls left. I found it ironic that the very same day, within hours, that we found out that Aunt Barb passed, we also found out the girls were leaving us. I was telling my mother this on the day of the funeral and wondering what the message was and she said maybe God is letting you know that you all have done all you can do and Aunt Barb will take it from here. While theologically, I’m not sure that’s how it works, I find that thought a beautiful one and a very comforting one. If Aunt Barb isn’t some sort of angel now to watch over earthly children, I’d bet my life savings that she is at least taking care of heavens children… maybe the children that didn’t have a chance to live life on this earth… she certainly had a gift and I just believe that that gift became perfected when she went to heaven to be with the Lord…

The night before we were to part from the girls, we went out for pizza because that was one of Mayce’s favorite things to do. On the way home I suggested we drive to Canada… no one really took me seriously and I kinda of snickered… but I was partly serious… but law abiding citizens that we are, we didn’t go to Canada… I’m not writing to you while we are on the lam… It was really really tempting though…

So the next day we did the impossible… we took the two little precious girls that had lived with us for six months, and who we had treated and come to love as our own, to the Cabinet office to turn them over the their grandmother. When we got to the center, they were still in court so we waited with the girls in a playroom for about 10 or 15 minutes. By then we had pretty well said our goodbyes to the girls because I knew once they got around their family, their focus would be gone and so it was rather like taking a band aid off slowly… I was ready to have the band aid ripped off but instead we had to wait. The worker and the family finally showed up and we all went outside to transfer all their toys and clothes in to the families’ vehicles. There were about 8 or 9 of their family members that came for the transition… which I found encouraging and honestly it made it a tiny bit easier to let the girls go because they were happy to be with family and it was obvious there was lots of their family who love and care about them and so that made it a little bit easier… there were still lots of tears and hugs exchanged between us and the family. They all told us what an excellent job we had done taking care of the girls for them. One very funny side note that Jimmie felt slightly bad about afterward… the girls’ mother was standing with me and Jimmie and grandpa came up and shook Jimmie’s hand and told him thank you for taking care of the girls and Jimmie said, well someone had to…. And then he added something about it being a great pleasure… but later he told me he didn’t really mean for that to come out the way it did and I said well even if you meant it that way you didn’t say an untruth! Lol….

The next few days after that… ugh… we dropped them off on a Wednesday, Thursday was a court day so I stayed busy all day and didn’t have time to think about it. When I left the house that morning I just felt like I was forgetting something and when I left work I had the same feeling and then I realized that I was “forgetting” a bunch of people in my car… I also never really thought about how a quiet house and empty bedrooms would affect me…

So now it’s been almost 2 weeks and this morning I got a call from the girls’ worker that grandma was asking if we’d call and talk to the girls… Jimmie is Evansville this week so I called and told him. He called first and then I called and talked to them too… they are doing well… they sound very happy. Grandma said that mommy has called just once since they’ve been there and she seemed disappointed when Aniya didn’t cry for her… I was glad that Aniya didn’t cry for me because I just want them to be happy and well adjusted little girls…. So Grandma said we can call whenever we want and she thinks it would be better for the girls especially Mayce if we did call just because Mayce doesn’t really understand what’s going on and when something special happens she wants to call and tell us about it. So for now, we’re going to keep in touch some with the girls… which is good because I was dying to know how they were doing so I’m glad to have gotten to talk to them today!

I know there’s other stuff going on in our life that I should journal about too but I just felt the need to share this part of our experience with ya’ll… I’m so happy that I didn’t give up two weeks into the whole experience. I think actually that this is one of the first things I’ve ever not quit because it was hard… and I’d do it again in a heart beat… it was nice to have a couple of weeks off… but we are anxiously awaiting that next call and whatever adventure it will bring our way…

Thanks for all your prayers…..