Facebook happened....

Sooo as my sweet brain twin cousin has so eloquently said it, and I totally agree… Facebook happened so we don’t regularly journal or blog any more… and although I thoroughly enjoy keeping up with everyone through pictures and updates on Facebook, I do miss reading journal entries and sometimes writing journal entries… I mean, who has time to do that every day? I am amazed at how some bloggers can stay so focused and on theme with their blogs. My entries are random ramblings at best. But I do feel like writing a blip today so thanks for reading this if and when you stumble upon it.

I have reached what I have taken to calling it the “move it or lose it” phase of life. I am 44… which is youngish but also oldish…. If that makes sense… I saw a little meme that best described my life… it said something to the effect that my diet is sort of like a kid unattended at a birthday party… I have always sort of scooted through life, not really too terribly bothered by my growing waist line, acting as if the rules of nutrition do not apply to me. I did try the Atkins diet once and I even read a good bit of Dr. Atkins’ book… explaining the evil of sugars and carbs. But like most diets, I think the holidays came and I never returned to the diet, or any other diet… so here I am 44 and recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes yippee… earlier this year, before the diagnosis, I was noticing that I was getting some pretty bad leg cramps, making it very hard to sleep at night. I don’t know if those were an early sign or what….possibly they could have been caused from inactivity (because, exercise pfft) or as I understand it constant dehydration is a concern with onset of diabetes. But anyway, so post diagnosis I am avoiding carbs and sugar and have began exercising (pilates, walking, stationary bike) at least 5 times a week and it is paying off. My sugar levels are almost normal, my leg cramps have gone, and thus far I have lost 20 pounds! Yay! But I am not on a diet, this is my new normal, so I am trying not to get over zealous about any of it. And oh my goodness there are so many more alternatives nowadays (see my cousin brain twin’s journal… I am a weird hippy these days too! I NEVER would have thought I’d be shopping in the health food, natural product section at the grocery store lol) … Pinterest has been a huge help for healthy recipes. Unfortunately diabetes is a rampant problem in our country and so there are tons of support and products catered to diabetics. My first thought upon learning about my diabetes and all the things that I have shoved in my mouth and not worked out of my body was, why do they even allow that stuff to be sold… and then I was like, oh man, that sounds like a Democrat lol… you cannot legislate something that should be common sense. I sat at the dietician’s office this morning being taught about the food pyramid and it hit me like a ton of bricks… I learned this a long long time ago and if I’d heeded it even a little bit I might not have a problem today. But anyway here we are and it will be ok.

We have had quite the eventful year… 2014 can’t end soon enough for me. We have had to say goodbye to more family members than I can think of for all my life really. And I didn’t journal much about it earlier this year but we had quite the challenging foster placements this past spring. Our home is still on hold as we re-group and figure out where we are headed next in terms of foster care. I actually think I might be done. We can keep our home open for 2 years without taking a placement and I think that’s what we are doing right now for that just in case any of the kids we have had previously need a home again. The two precious boys we were paired with this past spring… oh my… they stretched us to our limits behavior wise… most evenings I ended up in tears of frustration at some point… usually shortly after we came in the door from school and work. At one point, I was literally laying face down on the porch bawling my eyes out and I was just thinking, what are we doing… we cannot be helping these boys or our own children or ourselves in such a stressed out state of mind and being. Somehow we maintained our sanity for about 2 or so months. But when those closest to us began to tell us that we might be in over our heads on this one, we had to make the very tough decision to ask that the boys be placed somewhere else. That causes a gambit of emotions.. I don’t like being a quitter or a failure. I don’t want the boys to think they are unwanted. But in the end, doing what was best for our family of four was letting them go.

And now I think I am done with the whole process… I haven’t gotten the momentum, the calling, the tug on my heart to go back on the list to take in other kids. I am having fun investing my time and effort watching Matthew and Cali grow and learn and parenting them. I think I just want to pour my everything in to them and be selfish for a while. I feel my heart being called in other directions. Matthew and Jimmie would take more kids tomorrow. Cali and I not so much.

Well anyway… there’s an entry… not sure when I will blog again but I do love getting my thoughts out there… I haven’t even paper journaled in so long and I used to be so good at that as well… life is a crazy fun busy roller coaster ride these days… sometimes just trying to maintain sanity is all you can do… hang in there… we are all in this together!