Me, Myself, and What's-His-Name

Well we did not get the newborn after all. And I’m ok with that for the most part. Matthew and Cali’s court goal has been changed to adoption and Jimmie and I are on that journey now so that’s very exciting! The new baby, Isaiah, was born Thursday December 2 and for a moment it appeared that we might get him after all but then he ended up going to the new adoptive family who are from New York. His mother, who is also Matthew and Cali’s mother, decided that rather than all her children stay together, she’d rather get something out of it and so she went through a private adoption agency/attorney and apparently received some sort of monetary compensation for her ordeal. It is what it is.

Anyway… I am more than content and happy that we are pursuing adopting Matthew and Cali and the Jimmie and I are going to get to be their mommy and daddy forever!
So, new mommy that I am, all these things are dawning on me like in slow motion. I’m sure pregnant women and mommies of tiny little babies go through the same thought process. For example, one day I was sitting and thinking about life and it just hit me like a ton of bricks… I have a daughter. And then I began to think about the relationship and friendship that I have with my mother and started hoping that for me and Cali. And I have a son. Oh my goodness do I have a little boy! Lol When I was younger, I loved the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes and always hoped that one day I’d have a little “Calvin” of my own and in Matthew I definitely have that… that child is all boy and he’s just so imaginative. I love to just sit and talk with him because he’s so interesting! And Cali is such a snuggle bug… most of the time… she does know how to push my buttons to the limit too though… oh man!

Well… like most parents, I could sit and type about how much I adore my kids for hours… but after a while I don’t think that that would be very interesting reading so I’ll move on.
We’re not done being foster parents though. I told Jimmie just the other day that I think Matthew needs a brother and Cali needs a sister… lol

I do want to share something really positive that happened last night. Jimmie was going to go the his grief support group but the more he thought about it and what he would say at the group he realized that if he skipped the group he could make it home before the Littles went to bed and he could spend time with them so he did that instead. I told him that I thought that was a good step for him too. I don’t begrudge him going to the support group (have I blogged about that? Jimmie started attending a grief support group because he just wasn’t getting over Mayce and Aniya leaving our home. The call last year saying we might possibly get them back and then we didn’t end up getting them back really sort of put him over the edge and he has been hurting so much since then. It has really been difficult to see my husband so broken and there’s absolutely nothing I could do about it. Those girls, particularly Mayce, just left such a hole in Jimmie’s heart that he hasn’t been the same since. But attending the grief support group several times this past year has really been helping him deal with things.) Anyway… the fact that he wanted to come home and be in the here and now instead of grieving over the past really was a big step for him and I think or hope it is a telling sign that his heart is healing some.

So here we are – our first year with Littles around at Christmas time. It’s so exciting. Jimmie and I are sooo excited. I did question for a minute, although Jimmie looked at me as if I were green, whether I felt comfortable “perpetuating the myth” of Santa Clause. Just being “devil’s” advocate – I’ve always wondered if it’s right to “lie” to our children about the existence of Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc. And couldn’t your child make the incorrect leap eventually and question that if we lied to them about that cast of characters, why should they believe the Bible stories or God and Jesus are real. But it occurred to me that I was raised with all the holiday characters and I know the difference. And also obviously, it’s not about the actual physical existence of Santa Claus but rather the spirit of the season and the magical mystical tangible excitement we feel on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I just can’t rob my children of any of those special memories and moments that I had as a child. So please don’t send me Scrooge letters. I’m more pro Santa than not but that is a thought that I have never been able to quite get rid of in the back of mind….

We did take the kids last Saturday to have breakfast with Santa. Cali would only approach Santa quick enough to collect her candy cane and then she was outta there lol. So we got a few nice pictures of Matthew on Santa’s lap. It was fun! He is such a camera ham!

Well I think I’m going to close this entry… if I don’t get back here before Christmas, I hope you all have a holly jolly Christmas! And a Happy New Year!