Apparently our blogging circle has been abandoned for Facebook, which is ok. I love to stay updated on people through Facebook. It has actually been such a handy little tool for me. But there are some things I want to rant and rave about that I just don’t want to clutter up my Facebook status with so I’m doing a blog post.
First of all, Happy New Year! 2012 held some of the highest points and lowest points in my life so far. There was the Spring Break trip with the entire family, mom, dad, sisters, brother in laws and nieces and nephews. We had such an amazing time. Then in May Jimmie and I adopted our babies Matthew and Cali. Besides marrying Jimmie, hands down best choice I ever made! Then we were going to have an adoption celebration but Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever almost killed my husband and he ended up in the hospital for 4 days after about 5 daily visits to the urgent care. That was a scarey uncertain time for sure. It took him a few months to actually feel “normal” again and I still wonder if his immune system is up to par as it seems that simple things like colds just seem to hang on to him.
We did several camping trips this summer and spent lots of time in the pool. We all enjoyed playing with Baby A and teaching her how to swim and eat suckers and popsicles and play in dirt.
Matthew started kindergarten at the beginning of August. And then one day I was taking Cali to the doctor for her school physical and eye doctor for her eye test and I fell asleep at the wheel and should have died. Only by the grace of God and the protection of His Angels are Cali and I still walking this earth. I fully believe that Angels were wrapped around Cali and me, only they let me get hurt just enough to get my attention. The Expedition I was driving rolled several times and Cali only had a few bruises from the seat belt. All of the windows in the vehicle were busted out except for the windows where Cali was sitting. I was nearly scalped, my head was cut from ear to ear along my hairline, filleted open with about a 2 inch gap. Somehow I got out of the vehicle and got Cali out of her car seat and then earthly angels appeared and prayed with me and called 911. Many of the people who helped us that day, I will never see again or know how to thank them. But I do thank my Heavenly Father for sending strangers to pray with us in that time of completely and utter shock and horror.
After that, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, which was a blessing in disguise. My body was starving for oxygen and not resting properly. When I went for my sleep study, they discovered immediately that I was having 92 apnea episodes an hour. I quit breathing 92 times an hour. My oxygen saturation, which ideally should stay in the 90% range, was dropping below 44%, literally off the charts because they don’t measure it once it gets down there. So after only a couple of hours during the sleep study, they went ahead and put a cpap mask on me. THE VERY NEXT DAY after only sleeping 5 or so hours with the cpap machine, I could tell a difference in my energy levels. That morning after the test and the results, I asked how soon would I be able to get my own mask. I was told it would take a few days. I wondered how I was supposed to be able to sleep with the knowledge that I was not breathing. Luckily, I was able to get my machine and mask that same day and I have used it every night since. I am amazed at the results. My boss could see the transformation almost immediately as well and Jimmie definitely noticed the difference. I have energy, my acid reflux is now non-existent (I was having that almost nightly. The sleep technician explained that acid reflux is a cause and effect issue created by sleep apnea.) I also was having a persistent cough which has disappeared.
So I guess the accident was a blessing in disguise. However, I would not want to go through that again or put my family through that. Flashbacks and what-ifs are a part of my daily life now. It was kind of horrific.
After Cali survived the accident unscathed, her brother broke her foot. He wanted to reach the basketball goal so he attempted to carry a steel stool, which landed on his sister’s foot. She was in a cast for 2 weeks, which at first slowed her down a little but she became a pro at getting around with that thing on. We were boot buddies. I had to wear a boot after my accident because I had a broken toe. She wore a boot over her cast… boot buddies.
Also, a few days after my accident, we found out that Baby A was going to live with her daddy. Happy that the family was reunited but we sure miss her. Saying goodbye was pretty tough on all of us.
During the Christmas season this year, we fought with various colds and stomach bugs…
So yeah… we were happy to see 2012 exit. Hm… it occurs to me as I’m typing this and thinking about the end of 2012, I can’t help but think of those families in Connecticut who lost their babies in that horrific school shooting. Matthew had gone home on the bus with a friend that day for a sleep over but after I picked Cali up from daycare I went by their house just to give Matthew a hug. It was just that kind of news. So as bad as 2012 was for our family, at least we still have each other and maybe I shouldn’t complain so much about our ups and downs. I can’t completely hate the year 2012 because it will always be the year we adopted our children.
I have fully embraced being a mommy… I just spent Christmas break with my babies doing this n that and thoroughly enjoying my time with them. As I watch them grow and learn and change, I just want to freeze the clock. Sort of. I mean, it’s exciting watching them grow and learn new things too but at the age they are right now, they are so cuddly and sweetness. I am just so in love with my kids and my husband and my life at this moment… so completely content with my family…
Lately I have been contemplating mortality. I have really been rebelling against this idea of the circle of life, not that there is anything I can do about it. But I just have developed this dislike for the finality of death and having to say goodbye to people we love. I don’t know if I have journaled about this before but I’m going to head off on this tangent again because maybe someone has some different insight for me. I have been reading the New Testament. Sometime ago I decided to just start at Matthew and read right on through. I only do a little of this here and there but there is a part in at least 2 of the Gospels where the Pharisees decide to ask Jesus about marriage and if a woman’s husband dies and she remarries which husband will be her husband in Heaven and Jesus’ response is that marriage is for earth and no one will be married in Heaven. What does that mean?? Because I love my husband and want to keep him FOREVER. I am tearing up even now just typing about it. This scripture breaks my heart and kind of scares me. I want to keep my husband and my kids and mom and dad and sisters and families and cousins with me always.
My response to this scripture kind of also makes me question whether I love God enough. But I think through prayer and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to my soul, I have reasoned out that the fear and doubt I feel when I read that scripture and when I think about mortality are absolutely not from God and that I need to cast away that fear and trust that I haven’t even a clue what wonders and beauty and pure joy await me in Heaven. The love and contentment and joy I have with my family here on earth is but a glimpse of what this life was designed to be like and Heaven will just be a perfect form of what I already love.
So as 2013 begins, I am purposing to not live in fear and doubt. I am purposing to delve into God’s Word and learn more about Him and His nature and His promises. I am purposing to embrace life and live my Faith.
God bless you and Happy New Year!
Ha! I didn’t even get to what I wanted to rant about… guess I will save that for another time…
2 weeks ago
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